As a young boy December was filled with wish books and wild hopes for marvelous things – food, smells, presents and sounds.
In the spirit of the season I become frenzied, sugared up and unbearable.
After the Christmas events (amid the wrapping paper) I felt letdown. I this all there is? I didn’t see the joy in others around me or join in.
This translated in to my adulthood full of avarice, envy, resentment and covetousness.
Anytime I got what I demanded it lost its importance and I was left in a state of continuous agitated craving.
Then, something happed as I sought relief from alcoholism and depression. I gradually surrendered and walked into my darkness. From that darkness came a small voice, a thought really, that was not my own. This voice gave me direction and awareness.
This was the Beloved. I’m able to see the Beloved working, living and giving through others.
By following the guidance of that still, small voice I started to grow and experience the presence of the Beloved (God).
I’ve been seeking and heeding that voice for some time now. At times I question my slogging. Persistence seems futile at times until I again up my search for awareness of the Beloved.
One morning, before Christmas 2022, I noticed how little excitement came from looking at holiday deals and offers. In the past I sought this treasure but never found lasing satisfaction when I received it.
Instead the season was filled with a holiday concert and another live show and Christmas Eve dinner with a dear friend of my wife.
In partnership with the Beloved I have come to experience abundance, gratitude and joy.
My Great Expectation now is that seeking a fuller relationship with spirits will sustain grateful, joyous living.
This is powerful and lovely. The Darkness is where God lives, where I have also heard that voice, that guidance, and where I have garnered my small store of wisdom from a life of foundering in seas of unknowing. I have also come to deeply appreciate the treasures of the little daily events and practices that make up my life, the friendships and sunrises and openings and closings, and for this I am grateful.